Who do we fall in love with?

In our mind we create a collection of complex qualities and feelings that we consider to be love. All those qualities and feelings lead to a “shadowy lover”. Then we try to find someone who corresponds to the picture of our "shadowy lover". It’s a gradual process where the "true person" and the "shadowy lover" are driven closer to each other in order to merge in the end. Love is the process where we merge together the "shadowy lover" and the "true lover".

The one we love is often a projection of our inner thoughts. Some people need a lover they can envy and praise. Other wants somebody they can protect. Sometimes we love a person that has a quality we miss and unconsciously desire.

Often - deep down in our unconscious - the "shadowy lover" is the memory of our first love.